A Day To Remember
by 1sarahsmiley
Summary: Merlin has two secrets, one, he self-harms, two, he has magic. What happens when Arthur finds out? Warnings: depression, self-harm/cutting, suicide Merthur


Merthur

Merlin pressed the silver blade of the dagger, which he'd stolen from Arthur's chambers, against his left wrist and dragged it all the way across. Blood beaded up along the new cut before it started dripping down his arm. He slashed again and again, covering the numerous old scars with fresh ones. He continued until little black dots clouded across his vision, blocking everything out, and the noises of Gaius preparing a potion sounded distant, as though he were underwater. He sank to the ground and when his vision cleared he cast a silent spell to clean up blood.

"Merlin! MERLIN!" Gaius called the next morning. Merlin woke up with a start and sat up stiffly. He shoved his thin blanket off and stood up. His vision clouded over and he waited a few seconds before getting dressed, wincing as his tunic brushed against the fresh wounds from the previous night. He waited a while longer in his room before rushing out calling to Gaius over his shoulder, "See you later!" He smiled to himself as he hurried down the corridor, he'd skipped breakfast and was getting some exercise as he ran.

Merlin knocked on Arthur's door and, hearing a muffled grunt, he walked in, trying to hold Arthur's breakfast tray steady. Seeing Arthur still sprawled (sexily) across his bed, he set the tray down and pulled the curtains wide open. Arthur groans.

"Goddammit Merlin! Five more minutes!"

"Sorry Sire, you have duties to attend to," Merlin replied flatly, not even trying to start their usual banter. Arthur finally got up and Merlin helped him to dress before leaving to polish Arthur's sword and armor.

Later in the day, Merlin knocked on Arthur's door again.

"Come in!" Arthur calls. Merlin enters with Arthur's lunch. "Finally!" Arthur said, trying to get Merlin to reply as he used to. Merlin, however, said nothing and placed the meal on the table where Arthur was sitting.

"What took you so long?" Arthur demanded, hoping that Merlin wouldn't just reply politely and not say more than he absolutely had to. He had no such luck.

"I apologize, Sire. It won't happen again," Merlin simply replied.

"Ok. Serve me some water," Arthur replied, trying to hide his worry for his friend. As Merlin reached across, his sleeve rode up slightly.

"What is that?" Arthur's voice was alarmed as he grabbed Merlin's wrist. Merlin gasped in pain and tried to pull away but Arthur was stronger. He roughly pulled Merlin's sleeve back and gasped. Merlin's arm was a mess of old pink scars covered by more recent ones. Arthur's eyes widened to a point that Merlin thought was impossible. He snatched his arm away and ran.

Somehow he ended up at the top of the highest tower. He sank to thee round, more tears building up to join those already streaming down his cheeks. He scrabbled around in his pockets, smiling slightly hysterically as he found his precious dagger. Following the familiar movements, he placed it at his wrist yet again. He kept slicing at his skin, not even stopping, as he started to feel light-headed. He looked over towards the edge of the tower and a frightening thought crossed his mind. '_What would happen if I jumped?_' The idea was tempting, he could just end it all, the pain and the lies. Shakily, he got to his feet and stumbled over to the edge. He stared down, it was so high up, a fall of that height would kill even him. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice Arthur bursting through the doors onto the terrace.

"Merlin! What are you doing?" Arthur yelled. Merlin turned around to look at Arthur, with tears still rolling down his cheeks.

"I have to do this Arthur, I have no choice!" Merlin sobbed.

"Why?" Arthur asked, he couldn't understand. "Step away from the edge and we can talk about it!"

"I'm sorry, but I've made up my mind!"

"Please Merlin! Why?" Arthur begged.

"I have MAGIC!" Merlin screamed. The familiar black dots started clouding his vision. Arthur stared in shock, unable to process what Merlin had just said. "I love you!" Merlin added, swaying dangerously at the edge of the tower. Without thinking, Arthur leapt towards the pale boy, catching him as he collapsed. The blood loss had finally caught up with him.

Arthur lifted Merlin, worrying about how light he was, and ran all the way to Gaius' chambers, ignoring the weird looks he received on his way.

"Gaius!" he panted as he shoved the door open.

"Yes, my boy-?" Gaius started before looking up to see Merlin in Arthur's arms. "What happened!? Lay him down on the bed!" Arthur carefully set Merlin down on the patient's bed.

"What happened?" Gaius asked again. "Why is he unconscious?" Without a word, Arthur pulled back Merlin's sleeve to reveal the many scars and the still bleeding new wounds.

"Oh God, not again!" Gaius sighed, suddenly looking a lot older.

"What do you mean, 'not again'?" Arthur asked.

"He did this a lot last year," Gaius said, washing the fresh cuts carefully. "He said he'd gotten better." Gaius finished washing the blood off, smeared some kind of green paste over the cuts and tied a bandage tightly around them, being careful not to hurt Merlin.

All the Knights of the Round Table, and Gwen, were stood in the council room, waiting for Arthur to arrive at the emergency meeting that he'd called for. Before long, Arthur entered the room, his clothes still stained with Merlin's blood.

"Hey Princess, what's this all about?" Gwaine demanded from where he was tipping his chair back.

"Arthur! Why are you covered in blood?" Gwen asked, her fearful eyes wide.

"It's, it's Merlin," Arthur forced out.

"What? What happened?" Gwaine cried, instantly serious.

"As you all may have noticed, Merlin has been acting a lot differently recently," Arthur said. "I noticed some marks on Merlin's wrist and when I asked about it, he ran away. When I found him, he was at the top of the highest tower. He had used a dagger to cut himself and-" Arthur paused for a moment. "He was going to jump off." There was a deafening silence before Leon spoke up.

"Why? Why would he do something like that?"

"He said he loved me" Arthur spoke softly.

"Well, it's kind of obvious that he loves you," Gwen said.

"It's just as obvious you love him too," Gwaine added.

"Is he alright?" Percival asked.

"I don't know yet. He passed out from blood loss, and still hasn't woken up." Arthur looked down at the ground deliberately not replying to Gwaine's comment.

"Are we allowed to go visit him?" Gwen inquired.

"Not yet. I'll let you know if he wants to see everyone, once he wakes up," Arthur replied. He left the room and went back to Gaius's chambers, to be with Merlin.

Everything was black. Merlin could hear what sounded like Arthur and Gaius talking. With great effort, he managed to force his eyes open. Arthur immediately noticed and rushed to his side.

"How are you feeling?" Arthur asked, concern written all over his face. Merlin took a few seconds to realize what had happened before suddenly remembering what he had told Arthur. Gaius walked over as Merlin whispered, "Why didn't you just let me die!"

"Because I love you!" Arthur burst out, unable to contain it any longer.

"Why would you love something like me?" Merlin stared up at his king.

"I've always loved you," Arthur said gently.

"But why? I have magic!" Merlin burst out.

"I don't care!" Arthur smiled. "I've known ever since the griffin attack."

"Oh," Merlin didn't know what to say.

"Anyway, there's something I've been wanting to do for a long time," Arthur leaned over and kissed Merlin on the lips. They stayed that way for what seemed like forever. Gaius cleared his throat to remind the two boys that he was still there. They broke apart, wearing identical grins.

"Well, seeing as your magic has healed you a lot quicker than normal, you're free to go," Gaius smiled. "Arthur, I trust you to not let Merlin do this to himself again." Both boys nodded, Arthur helped Merlin up and they left the room, hand in hand.

"Hello princesses, so, you finally got your shit together!" Gwaine smirked when he saw them.

"Shut up Gwaine," Merlin and Arthur both said.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've got to go to the tavern, I guess I won that bet after all!" Gwaine ran away before Arthur could hit him and Merlin burst out laughing.


End file.
